I think im going to throw up on grandma
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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