got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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