Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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