He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
