My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is wine microwaveable?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
