I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
