my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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