Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
