we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
