I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
