so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
