apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
