so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
