Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
