So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
