one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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