Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize