I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
