why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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