First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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