I don't think brook has ever known best
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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