just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
