Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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