Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
