you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
