so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
