her vagine was all disorganized.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
