ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
