i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
