Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
