she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
