I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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