her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
