i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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