We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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