im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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