Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
