If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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