He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love having hate sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
