I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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