Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
