theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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