one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize