Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
