so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
