I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
