i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize