Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
