How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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