Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
