i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
