she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
