just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
