All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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