do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
