ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize