my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
