oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize