Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
