there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
