So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
In America we eat man semen.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
should my penis look like a turkey
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
